The third installment of our electrifying tale of battery powered misadventure has our clueless protagonist ready to make a deal with the “Debell” herself, read all about it in...
CONFESSIONS OF A CRACKBERRY FIEND
Part Three: Bargaining
The air in the mall was giving me a headache, or maybe it was the simmering rage from my encounter with the slack-jawed hormone at the Rogers kiosk. I parked myself on an uncomfortable bench and began to ponder just how I would cope with the situation I found myself in; the bargaining had started. “I can always use the labs and computers at the college,” I thought “yeah that’ll be cheaper and I will get more work done, yeah,” but then I realized that I would not be able to work before going to school. There was no way out, I could not keep up on world events or even keep in touch with my family without some form of communication and I needed it NOW! “It’ll be weeks before I can get a landline and internet hook up so why wait when I can get a portable facsimile of both?” I knew from experience that Fido was a dogs breakfast when it came to service and coverage and having just eliminated Rogers I was at a loss at to who I could go to.
The question rattled around my brain and I knew the obvious answer that was before me but I did not want to even consider it; Bell. After all I had been through with Ma’bell I had sworn to never give her any of my business or another cent of my money and now I was contemplating crawling back to the most unholy telecommunications company in the universe. My yen for data and contact was overriding my better judgment and I was ready to sell my soul (for three years at least) to the devil, er debell, just so I could get brain cancer from a little plastic toy. There were no more options it was this or continue living like*gasp* people did before the internet.
It was all over and it had come to the very thing I had hoped and prayed to avoid. All that was left was to go and hand over my money and sign over my life to my own personal Mephistopheles.
Editor’s note: The rehabilitation of the lab staff has been completed with only a 75% mortality rate, so after replacing lost staff with several trained Mandrills we have managed to retrieve yet another digital nugget for you lucky readers, enjoy!
“Stuck inside of Tara with the mobile blues again?”
Well the visit home has been most enlightening, in a variety of ways. The end result of it all... Technology offers a crutch to the multitude of able bodied, albeit lazy, people (read CONSUMER) and they suddenly view their everyday commonplace tasks as handicaps. Well not me, I'm getting a Goddammed pen and paper!!!!!!!
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
4 comments:
Amazing Whinyness, the confessions of a cranky friend.
An interesting title for your blog, and a good place for all that self-indulgent tripe that you want to spew under the guise of information. As historians look back on us as a society they are going to label us. My fathers generation will be the Greatest ever, I am a Boomer, and yours will be the Lazy Whiners. In the days before the “great technology leap (internet)” we had three choices to communicate with one another, and we liked it, goddammit!
First we used the mail, yup, pen and paper were technology at one time, we even had envelopes and stamps. Really simple, you gathered all you thoughts together and you wrote everything down. Amazing! Eloquent and simple and it worked, a huge amount of the time, despite Canada Posts efforts. Once you finished your master piece you would simply insert you document in the envelope and drop it in the local mail box or post office. You would then wait two to three weeks (maybe longer) for a reply, and life went on.
Next, if Mom would let you, you could use the telephone, not that humming, song playing jack-off in your pocket, a large black device designed to with-stand a nuclear strike, that hung in the kitchen. Simplicity at its finest, you DIALLED whoever you were calling. Dialling needs an explanation, on the front of you telephone was mounted a round piece of plastic with ten hole around the perimeter , underneath the dial was a label that had ten numbers,0, 9-1 aligned with the holes on the dial. Now you would carefully insert your index finger into the dial at the number corresponding with your friends number and in a clock-wise motion (left to right in circular motion) DIAL the number. If you were lucky and they weren't on a party-line with the local gossip you could talk directly to your friend.
Of course the most obvious way to communicate was the simplest, yet required the most effort. Thats right, we went and talked to each other, face to face. Rain or shine, uphill both ways, it didn't matter if it was important or not, it was and still is the most effective way to talk. So go write Mom a letter, call up somebody and give them shit, and walk down to your buddy's house for a coffee and a chat. By the time you get all that done you will be to tired to whine.
Well bill I have to agree that what started out as a humourous exploration of my transition to the dark trendy side of telecommunications has turned into self indulgent tripe, and besides it has become harder and harder to come up with those witty editors notes. I mean Mandrills, seriously, everyone knows that Orangutans make for the best IT staff.
You should know that my first telephone was a rotary dial, so I am well acquainted with this stone aged technology. It’s easy to wax nostalgic about the simpler days of communication where the internet, email and cellphones were still glimmers in the eyes of their respective inventors.
I suppose my cantankerous griping stems from the fact the technological advances and pocket-sized communications devices , that we are oh so fortunate to have, leave me to wonder if they really measure up to their old fashioned counterparts. It’s like a 4-in-one printer, sure it can do it all but does it do any of it’s functions as well as the actual device it is replacing.
You know I’m pretty sure we are worse off for the myriad of high-tech timewasters that are at our fingertips, in fact I’m positive. I think, and I’m stating the obvious here, the entire point of these pusillanimous postings was to call attention to the absurdity of our societies obsession with all things mobile, cellular and shiny.
Liam I enjoy your banter, and think you will make a swell columnist someday- perhaps comparable to the infamous Rick Mercer, whom I adore!
In all honesty however, I can hazard to say that you have never experience poor telephone service until you rely on President's Choice for your telecommunication needs. Whoever said you should stick to what you're good at, obviously missed telling Loblaws- because let's face it, a grocery store is designed for one reason, and it isn't cell phones.
I'm stuck with a ridiculous pay-as-you-go plan, where I still have to pay 25 cents/min for long distance calls, even though I subscribe to the unlimited package. I suppose I could always try switching, but it is a tiresome process and usually requires the purchase of a new phone. Personally I'm not to technologically savvy, so I haven't made the attempt yet. Good luck with your phone and the debell.
PS. I loved the Cineplex picture!
Post a Comment